Believe In Your Dreams

Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves. I can be this way, I was late to an event on Monday and I think I just got over that today! I felt crushed and hurt that I was so disorganized that I wrote down a time that was two hours AFTER the event began. I remember going home and crying (!) because I was so late and had walked into the event feeling so proud of myself only to realize that I wasn't on time at all and most of the guests were due to leave, including the lovely hostess who has become a dear friend of mine. Being hard on myself has been part of my life -- I've been this way since I was very young and it has traveled into my adult years.

If I do something great it could have been much better.

If I do something amazing, I could have done it super amazing.

Can you relate?

Maybe this is some baggage of mine or perhaps it's an inherited trait or learned behavior of some sort. Whatever it is, or wherever it came from doesn't concern me at all. I simply want to learn to be as forgiving of myself as I am of others.

The next day, following the day in which I was painfully late, I did something that I never ever do in the mornings unless someone rings my bell. I opened my front door just to have a look out into the hallway. I've never done this since I moved here in October, so it was odd of me. There was no reason to do it. I didn't hear a sound. But I walked down my very long hallway, as if being led by the hand, and opened my front door. I didn't look ahead as one would generally do, I look down and to the right, eyes falling on a little box laying in the sunlight with my name on it.

It was as if I knew it would be there.

A few moments later, I opened the box to reveal a handmade card and a square mixed media art piece from my friend, Kat Davy, in England. We've never met, but have been online friends for at least three years and I cherish her enormously. The moment I opened the paper to find this... Well, I cried.

Do you see what is says? It says to Believe In Your Dreams. On it, a little butterfly resembling the one on my logo for decor8. And an "H" for Holly. The embellishments and sweetness in this piece overwhelmed me. It was exactly what I needed, and a reminder that so many of my dreams have happened already and that I need to really BELIEVE in them.

I think it's important to explore this topic - the topic of believing in something. To believe is to, "be persuaded of the truth or existence of." It can also mean,"to have faith in the reliability, honesty, benevolence, etc., of." So to believe in your dreams means to have faith in them, to know they are happening, accept them for what they are...

And this comes back to being too hard on myself. I'm so happy Kat sent me the reminder to believe in my dreams, to believe in me. It's easy to lose our way sometime, isn't it? Or to not enjoy the realization of dreams when they do come true - that moment when your dream just became a book on the shelf at Anthropologie as mine just did. I need to really embrace this moment of my life with open arms and not be so hard on myself for the occasional failings, like being late for a lovely event on Monday morning. I'm human after all, and to be human is to fall at times, to hurt or be hurt, to cry, to feel defeat and to feel joy and success.

I've entered a new year in my life - I'm a new age now since Monday - and I made up my mind today that this year I'd accept all of the dreams coming true and believe in them, to go on my book tour alone in July despite how scared I am to fly back to America alone and hit a bunch of cities without my husband or a dear friend by my side... But this is a dream come true, I'd always dreamed of being on a book tour. I remember creating lots of mini books when I was little and in my room I had a desk where I did a "signing" of my new novel that was called, "Alanna's Wish". It was the story of a little girl, I wrote this story and the songs that were part of it, who was wrongfully put into jail for something she didn't do, and she would sit in her little cell each day imagining her freedom, imaging make believe worlds where she was happy. I remember Alanna even had a special song she would sing, it went something like this...

I'm free! I'm free!
No more stripes on me
I'm happy as can be because I'm free!
I'm free! I'm free!
Tweedle deedle dee
I'm happy to be free because I'm able to be me
I'm free to do the things I've never done before
I'm free to travel to worlds unexplored, and more!
I'm free! I'm free!
No more stripes on me
My days belong to me because I'm finally free.

I wrote that when I was 8 years old. I lived in South Carolina then and my little book was so special to me. I'd sing this song in my room and act out all of the scenes. And after handwriting and drawing 10 or so copies, I'd have a special "signing" in my bedroom as I told you already. I'd sign them for my fans, an eager group of glassy-eyed stuffed bears and rabbits awaiting their freshly signed copy on my bed.

And now I will have a signing in many cities and fly to places like London and Los Angeles to meet those who helped me to make my dream a reality.

It's time believe in my dreams. Perhaps that has something to do with being free? I'm free to do the things I've never done before and I'm free to travel to worlds unexplored, and more! Hmmm... Seems little Holly was writing exactly what big Holly needed to hear someday.

Thank you Kat for helping me to realize that I need to hold on to this moment and to believe it every drop of it.

xo