Thoughts On Feeling Used + My Dream Job
I was just thinking today how much I love my dream job, how happy I am that I left the corporate world behind in 2005 to pursue my dream, and how much joy it brings me each day to do what I do. It means something to have a small yet important impact on the life of another person and to help them build something, brick by brick. My job has brought me so many wonderful things... I cannot begin to even list them all. But it has brought some pain too. I'll talk about this in a moment but don't worry, I will wrap things up with a smile because I believe in happy endings. :)
![I love my dream job](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2717/4502579424_b7c0d698f7.jpg)
Despite loving my work, at times you can feel a bit left behind in this profession, especially when your job is primarily to give, give, give and never take -- it's important for me to realize that I am living my dream and doing exactly what I love. I feel left out and sometimes even shut out by others -- and it can be a challenge to navigate those feelings and still push ahead, but I confidently move forward because I see every challenge met as a success. The current projects that I'm involved in make me happy and the ones that I plan to work on in the near future give me energy and joy. I can't wait to begin work on my book next month and I'm excited to pursue other goals and plans that I have because my life will never be an idle one. I want to keep going and continue to do work that I enjoy and that also gives others a boost.
Often in a profession where you give a lot of yourself you can start to build quite a large fan base because people respond favorably to those who help them. I know I do. It's only natural. And this is wonderful and rewarding because you can become a friend to many and this is an honor. But it can also be hard to know who your friends are. I've had some befriend me simply to get a write-up on my blog, or a mention in an article, or some other "advantage" and then after -- they move on to become successful and they either forget I exist, exclude me from things that may require giving me some support in return, or even turn their back completely on me until they find that they need something from me again. I've had this happen a few times with those whom I felt endeared to and it's a tough pill to swallow when you find out the truth: that your "friend" didn't care about YOU, they cared about what you could give THEM.
As I grow older and continue in my profession I've finally grown a tough second skin and I don't let others get me down as I once did. Now I look at those who intentionally use others and I feel sorry for them because they're not emotionally allowing themselves the joy of having a good friend --especially as I watch them continuously hop around to others who might give them advantage, only to drop them later. I feel sad for them because I cannot imagine how unhappy they must be inside to live a life that isn't authentic. And often the ones who do this as the same ones who say that they value friendship, truth, loyalty and authenticity above all other things.
Why is this, I wonder? And why would someone pretend to be your friend for no other reason than to promote their own interests, then once that goal is accomplished, destroy the friendship and move on? It seems so worthless and unnatural. Yet it happens every single day.
Do you often feel used by others? By your family members? Your colleagues? How do you handle it?
How do you wipe the slate clean of such users -- break free -- and move forward?
I move forward by accepting that in life others are simply not meant to be "forever" friends. Every friendship brings out something in you that you never in your life would have found on your own, locked in your home. Some friends are stepping stones. Others are bridges. Still others are life boats. And then there are those who are always there walking by your side. Each friend serves a purpose - some are the "party" friends, others are the "movie night" friends, and others are the "walk around the lake" friends. We have friends who we know love to shop with us, and others who love to come over and flip through magazines and sip tea. And then we have those few, treasured best friends -- we share everything with them and they share everything with us. Those are built on solid ground, slowly, and there is loyalty and even when problems arise things are sorted and the friendship becomes stronger still. If you start to accept in life that different people serve different purposes then it is easier to handle those times when friendships fail. Because even the failed friendships gave us something. Maybe you learned a valuable lesson, or perhaps the circumstance brought you to a crossroad that was a critical point in your life. Allow me to explain from personal experience...
I had a new friend in 2005 who I was getting to know and I liked her very much. She was witty, bright and energetic and we had a lot in common. She was generous and good at heart and in turn, I did a lot to help her with her budding career as a designer. At first she appreciated me -- but then because she had issues with her self confidence and I had issues with being newly unemployed charting out on my own for the first time in my life -- a small tiff took place and our horns locked. But neither of us are bad people, but in the end I did feel completely used and upset over it. But then I realized that perhaps I was just her stepping stone -- she wasn't interested in becoming my friend though I was interested in becoming hers. In her eyes "we" were merely business friends and nothing more and this realization hurt at the time, remember this was before I grew a second skin, but then I got to thinking about the whole experience one night and you know what I realized?
That my entire career launched from this failed relationship.
Yes, really.
Because one night as I sat in a class to learn about publicity and marketing for a small business the teacher told the class that if we did not have a website that we didn't exist. And when I heard those words I thought about my friend whom I was helping to build her website and I thought about myself and how I had design clients and a company and didn't have a website of my own. So I went home and found my password for blogger and wrote my first post on decor8. Had I never worked with this designer I would not have been in a PR class because I was taking it to learn better how to promote her work. And had I not been in that PR class perhaps decor8 would not be. So in a way, this failed relationship was my stepping stone. The pain of losing a new friend was hard to take at the time but a few months later I understood what the universe had in store for me the whole time and that the relationship was needed for me to take the next step which was to launch the decor8 blog. So in a way, I can thank this person for loving and leaving me in the dust -- it's funny to put it like that, right? But it's true.
Every single experience in life leads us to the exact point in which we stand today. Had anything been any different we may not be where we stand and that is how I am able to handle failed relationships. Live, learn, cry, have a strong cocktail and move forward. I get this from my grandmother who was a tough girl too. We have big, soft hearts but even bigger is our need to be productive, positive and to not waste time on things that drain us.
And so, despite the occassional feeling of being used, hurt, stepped on, abandoned -- ha! you name it, I have a dream job -- and I'm so happy, blessed and proud to be where I stand today. When you pursue something with all your heart you are bound to have pain but also great, GREAT rewards so it's always worth it to follow your heart.
Are you happy where you stand today?
(image: holly becker for haus maus)
![I love my dream job](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2717/4502579424_b7c0d698f7.jpg)
Despite loving my work, at times you can feel a bit left behind in this profession, especially when your job is primarily to give, give, give and never take -- it's important for me to realize that I am living my dream and doing exactly what I love. I feel left out and sometimes even shut out by others -- and it can be a challenge to navigate those feelings and still push ahead, but I confidently move forward because I see every challenge met as a success. The current projects that I'm involved in make me happy and the ones that I plan to work on in the near future give me energy and joy. I can't wait to begin work on my book next month and I'm excited to pursue other goals and plans that I have because my life will never be an idle one. I want to keep going and continue to do work that I enjoy and that also gives others a boost.
Often in a profession where you give a lot of yourself you can start to build quite a large fan base because people respond favorably to those who help them. I know I do. It's only natural. And this is wonderful and rewarding because you can become a friend to many and this is an honor. But it can also be hard to know who your friends are. I've had some befriend me simply to get a write-up on my blog, or a mention in an article, or some other "advantage" and then after -- they move on to become successful and they either forget I exist, exclude me from things that may require giving me some support in return, or even turn their back completely on me until they find that they need something from me again. I've had this happen a few times with those whom I felt endeared to and it's a tough pill to swallow when you find out the truth: that your "friend" didn't care about YOU, they cared about what you could give THEM.
As I grow older and continue in my profession I've finally grown a tough second skin and I don't let others get me down as I once did. Now I look at those who intentionally use others and I feel sorry for them because they're not emotionally allowing themselves the joy of having a good friend --especially as I watch them continuously hop around to others who might give them advantage, only to drop them later. I feel sad for them because I cannot imagine how unhappy they must be inside to live a life that isn't authentic. And often the ones who do this as the same ones who say that they value friendship, truth, loyalty and authenticity above all other things.
Why is this, I wonder? And why would someone pretend to be your friend for no other reason than to promote their own interests, then once that goal is accomplished, destroy the friendship and move on? It seems so worthless and unnatural. Yet it happens every single day.
Do you often feel used by others? By your family members? Your colleagues? How do you handle it?
How do you wipe the slate clean of such users -- break free -- and move forward?
I move forward by accepting that in life others are simply not meant to be "forever" friends. Every friendship brings out something in you that you never in your life would have found on your own, locked in your home. Some friends are stepping stones. Others are bridges. Still others are life boats. And then there are those who are always there walking by your side. Each friend serves a purpose - some are the "party" friends, others are the "movie night" friends, and others are the "walk around the lake" friends. We have friends who we know love to shop with us, and others who love to come over and flip through magazines and sip tea. And then we have those few, treasured best friends -- we share everything with them and they share everything with us. Those are built on solid ground, slowly, and there is loyalty and even when problems arise things are sorted and the friendship becomes stronger still. If you start to accept in life that different people serve different purposes then it is easier to handle those times when friendships fail. Because even the failed friendships gave us something. Maybe you learned a valuable lesson, or perhaps the circumstance brought you to a crossroad that was a critical point in your life. Allow me to explain from personal experience...
I had a new friend in 2005 who I was getting to know and I liked her very much. She was witty, bright and energetic and we had a lot in common. She was generous and good at heart and in turn, I did a lot to help her with her budding career as a designer. At first she appreciated me -- but then because she had issues with her self confidence and I had issues with being newly unemployed charting out on my own for the first time in my life -- a small tiff took place and our horns locked. But neither of us are bad people, but in the end I did feel completely used and upset over it. But then I realized that perhaps I was just her stepping stone -- she wasn't interested in becoming my friend though I was interested in becoming hers. In her eyes "we" were merely business friends and nothing more and this realization hurt at the time, remember this was before I grew a second skin, but then I got to thinking about the whole experience one night and you know what I realized?
That my entire career launched from this failed relationship.
Yes, really.
Because one night as I sat in a class to learn about publicity and marketing for a small business the teacher told the class that if we did not have a website that we didn't exist. And when I heard those words I thought about my friend whom I was helping to build her website and I thought about myself and how I had design clients and a company and didn't have a website of my own. So I went home and found my password for blogger and wrote my first post on decor8. Had I never worked with this designer I would not have been in a PR class because I was taking it to learn better how to promote her work. And had I not been in that PR class perhaps decor8 would not be. So in a way, this failed relationship was my stepping stone. The pain of losing a new friend was hard to take at the time but a few months later I understood what the universe had in store for me the whole time and that the relationship was needed for me to take the next step which was to launch the decor8 blog. So in a way, I can thank this person for loving and leaving me in the dust -- it's funny to put it like that, right? But it's true.
Every single experience in life leads us to the exact point in which we stand today. Had anything been any different we may not be where we stand and that is how I am able to handle failed relationships. Live, learn, cry, have a strong cocktail and move forward. I get this from my grandmother who was a tough girl too. We have big, soft hearts but even bigger is our need to be productive, positive and to not waste time on things that drain us.
And so, despite the occassional feeling of being used, hurt, stepped on, abandoned -- ha! you name it, I have a dream job -- and I'm so happy, blessed and proud to be where I stand today. When you pursue something with all your heart you are bound to have pain but also great, GREAT rewards so it's always worth it to follow your heart.
Are you happy where you stand today?
(image: holly becker for haus maus)
Comments
I am on the other end of the spectrum: new, sort of on the outside looking in. How does one come across as a genuine person when the internet can lend to autonomy? I guess you are forced to be vulnerable. I think that this is the most trying aspect of operating a business in the web 2.0 world.
Sorry to ramble.
Love your insight!
I love your positive outlook on everything, though it may have hurt in the past.
I read once that every 7 years you probably have a complete new set of friends, who would help you with a move and so one - I'm not sure if this is really true, as I have many almost life-lomg friends, but there might be a grain of truth in it.
Ans especially in the online world it is easy to think that you know someone, but not having met in person it is still difficult.
But you seem to manage - please go on with your good work!
Jeannette
I wish you many many TRUE friends and good luck with you upcoming book project.
Yelena
I don't know of many bloggers who have a trusted circle. Honestly. I think some might but personally I add new friends all the time because it's important to evolve as a person and these new relationships are so special and helpful in doing so.
Great comment, thanks so much for leaving it!!!!
Thank you for sharing your reflections + experiences today. I hope you know that what you tirelessly give to us everyday is a gift - you enrich our lives and we appreciate you for all that you do.
As another American living in Germany (about an hour from you), I have had a lot of German "friends" in the past who have treated me like a pet - a charming curiosity to be paraded at parties and useful for practicing job interviews in English. I love your outlook of looking at where such relationships have brought you. I'm so glad that your false friend inspired you to start your blog, and I'm loving hearing about your adventures in the Vaterland. Keep up the great work!
Great post and comments, I really enjoyed reading all of them. It seems to me that if you really "give of yourself" in life and in relationships, unfortunately there will be people at work and personal friends who you sometimes "grow out of". What I mean is that they can end up taking too much out of you. You start to loose a part of yourself, realize that it is happening and then need to move on. There were people in college who I thought that I would always be friends with then life happens and you change or they change. I don't know if this is making any sense but this is what happened to me over the years.
Holly, you are a "giver" and you don't want to change that because that is such a huge part of you. It always hurts when you feel used, taken or not respected. That person is definitely not a friend, only an acquaintance, if that. When that happens, it is time to move on and learn from the experience, as Maite said. But don't become a hermit like me! That is what I have done as time has gone on. You know how they say you can count your true friends on one hand, sometimes it is much less than that.
Thank you for being such a giver and very special person.
Sorry for the ramble!
Sondra
Thank you for this post, you give me hope that my corporate-mommy-lifestyle will have a happy ending. Someday. :)
Oh boy, you nailed it once again. I can imagine how you often feel ... like a star with groupie who wants to grap a big part of your glamour... I kind of know that feeling a little bit too... I'm very naive and walking around with a wide open heart. And I got hurt a lot of times in the past too. I had quite the job everybody would like to have in the industry I'm working in. But I didn't like it very much. Because a lot of selfish egos worked there and the department where I worked hasn't been the most important one, more the fun one and so the bosses didn't take us too serious, they made a lot of fun about the department.
One of my (I thought) best friends said one day she would love to work in that company too, she always dreamed about it. So she asked me if I could promoter her job request directly to the big bosses. I said I wouldn't recommend it to her, because they didn't take our opinion seriously and I was afraid that I could damage her request with our image. She said she understands that. But a few months later her boyfriend told me that she's angry about how I reacted. We had dinner, talked about it but within that talk I noticed that she thought I wouldn't like to have her in that company because I would fear competition. I thought if she thinks something stupid like that I don't want her as a friend anymore. But a few weeks later I thought about everything and decided that I might have been a missunderstanding, packed her a lovely present with a cute pipe of peace, but she didn't want it. She never responded. My plan was to give it to her boyfriend and he would give it to her. But he jumped of the plan in the last second. I called her crying, spoke on her mailbox, still crying. But she never responded. I didn't help her with her job plans. So I wasn't worth this friendship anymore... That kind of broke my heart. Because looking back over the friendship I recognised that the job issue have always been big from her side and so I think my suggestion was right... It's sad but I kind of need more time now to let someone come so close like she has been to me...
So do I have a tipp for you? Only do what you like to do, maybe do it for yourself, not for others and don't expect anything from anybody. That helps me most times, but I'm still exercising...
Have a happy weekend honey!
xo Steffi
I've had all three types in my life, and it sounds like you have as well. I think we need to look at it this way, in order to let go of any hurts, questions and wondering. You have such a positive attitude.
Looking back I know why each of my 'reason' or 'season' friends were in my life, and I also think this helps me to know and appreciate my wonderful 'forever friends' all the more.
What is very tough for you to me is the position that you are in as a blogger, with everyone that you deal with - but you always handle things so well. You are so skilled. I commend you for that.
I forgot to add that I am VERY content today. I feel like I know who I am, what I want and need as a person, what I can realistically give to a friend. I am doing work where I am appreciated, before my work was my life and I felt used for years. When that happens, you have to make a change and both you and I did. We both have supportive husbands and what a gift that is!
By the way, I love the photo, are those roses or peonies? The color is wonderful.
Positive energy to you and don't forget to take care of YOU,
Sondra
I have a dream job too, but there are aspects of it that aren't quite so dreamy -- feeling used and hurt by someone, and then watching friends and co-workers get used by that same person (and not seem to know it, or care about it!) is like a cancer at my soul.
I've tried to manage it -- put up a wall to shut that part of the hurt, remind myself that we are all adults here and if other people can't see what I've seen then it is not my problem. But the hurt is still there.
Luckily, some friends have woken up and noticed the same thing about this someone. So I don't feel like I'm the only one, ha ha ha! :) But the period of time when I did feel like the only one was very painful.
I now try to keep a positive attitude -- love yours, Holly! But it is hard at times. HUGS to you! And thank you for sharing this -- it really helps to see that we're really all in this world together, and we all have similar stories, despite how different our lives may be.
Okay, no more wasting time thinking about icky thoughts. It is a beautiful day, the birds are singing and I think it's time for a nice chai. Then I'll get back to my dream job. :)
Hugs to all! :)
To build off of Gingiber's sentiment, I often feel similar feelings. I find it hard to build "friendships" with the Tier 1 bloggers in our niche. I realize there might be a variety of reasons for this: lack of time, feeling burnt out and maxed out on relationships, skepticism of people's motives, too many people trying to reach them, contentment with the blog friendships they have already cultivated, people coming off as groupies ;) etc. But, what I have also observed is that there are so many other circles within our niche also worthy of exploration. There is so much inspiration to be found (on big and small blogs), and in the end we are all doing this because we love it. That's what brings us together as one big community, which I find incredibly generous and supportive from the top up to the bottom down! Utimately that's what levels the playing field as our common denominator.
And I am incredibly grateful because of this! Thanks for opening up the dialogue Holly!
One thing to keep in mind is that sometimes people really, truly do want to be your friend. It can be hard, especially for expats or people still trying to figure out their direction. But it doesn't always mean they're intending to use someone else. They could be new somewhere or shy.
Katie
This is a fantastic post on an important topic. As an emerging hungarian blogger I just get to the point that people using me as stepping stones. I am not happy about it. And it is not because they will have better life or business, that is fine. The only time it bothers me, when it takes too much of my time, my free time. Time from my family, my 3 kids. I love to help others, but is is hard to stay on track and keep a balance! I am learning and you helped me a lot. Thanks!
This post couldn’t be timelier for me, because I’ve recently been reflecting on how I’ve been on both sides of this equation. Not that I’ve used friends, but I can be insensitive. If something doesn’t bother ME, I formerly couldn’t put myself in others’ shoes to see how it affected THEM. Now I realize that it’s not all about me – and it really doesn’t matter what my intentions are if my actions bring a friend down.
On the other hand, I have the age-old issue of having difficulty setting boundaries and saying no – and I’ve been BURNED pouring energy into people who dropped me when I had nothing left to give.
In that spirit, I am working on gratitude. Gratitude that I have something to give to others. Gratitude that I’m finally learning how my words have unintended consequences. I’m TRYING to accept that I cannot control how others behave – even when they’re behaving “badly” – but I can choose my response.
There are persons that think a friend is someone that helps them with things (money, gifts) and not someone that listen, care of them, enjoy being with them, and so on.
It is hard to find out that, it is so hard. But after a while I understood nobody is perfect, there are no perfects friends, just persons that are with you sharing your life with you for a while. Sometimes for your lifetime but most of the time just for a while.
I´m glad you have your dream job!! Think if not, you still have to deal with these bad friendships things and also with the corporative world (puaj).
Last thing, I like your way of thinking positive!
And sorry for the long comment.
Blogging is wonderful, and I love almost everything about it. But, as my audience and blog grows, I can see it becoming isolating. You have given me much to think about.
This was a great post, Holly. :)
I definitely need to grow my second skin, I am often too sensitive when it comes to things sort of issues. One of these days!
Thanks for sharing your story! And it's great to hear that someone has come through these things with a smile on their face :)
And so true!
In essence such a philosophy can be extended to all walks of life, wherby turning something on its head and seeing it from a alternate perspective a positive (outlook) can be found.
xo
Melis
I don't have any great insight to share tonight; maybe i'll comment again later, but i wanted to say thanks for sharing.
Some people dont have personal values.
Its hard to get to know someone personally in this online world.
The opposite thing has happened to me..sometimes I feel inspired by someone and try to get to know that person better,but because this things you talk about happen, they automatically close their selfes up ,I guess they tend to think you are interested in them for other reasons than their friendship.
I gues one has to be careful, but also open up a bit for that person with genuine interests.
I´m not sure IfI made my self understood...
I have recently lost two really great friends, the friends I thought were the "life line" friends. I have also had the people who befriend me, get what they need from me in business and then move on. To my surprise they return when they need you again. I am shocked that they even think they can return! However I have made new friends and I am too discovering what friendships are and how they come and go. My mum was the first person who taught me this and I am only discovering how true it is in my 30s.
Holly, you are amazing! I have an enormous amount of respect for you and I could not see how anyone would ever want to "use" you or hurt you.
x
I'm definitely an introvert, so I think that helps me in my 'real' life, but online I know I keep my circle small as a way to not get even more sucked into online-only friendships. As an introvert, the internet and online friendships can be great, ha! But if I spend all my time online, then I sap myself of the energy I need to keep up with my extroverted husband and the relationships we have with those around us daily.
As for the users - ugh. We humans can be so selfish and not even know it! I think you're so right to be able to acknowledge that not all friendships are the BFF type. We need boundaries in our life, even in our friendships.
as for your dream job, i'm so jealous. i gave up my dream job for my dream - a family - and while i wouldn't trade my time and my family for anything in the world, i'm very much in career limbo: not sure where i'm going or where i WANT to go. i often think my new dream job is YOUR dream job - a blog you can live off, a book contract - yes, please! but then i think maybe it's styling. Or editing a magazine. Or setting up a store.... the ideas keep coming, but nothing is sticking around!!!
thanks for your insight; maybe my recent friendship blip will be start of something great too?!?! here's hoping! xx
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
But yes, we can achieve more if we dust ourselves off and look to the future.
I realised now I've been hanging around and visiting your Decor8 website for a good long time (year or more!?) - and just want to say I find your posts intriguing and it's the first blog I open in the morning to read!
Have a great weekend!
Shelly :)
I have a colleague who I really liked and thought was my friend. But I started feeling she'd be nicer to me when she needed something from me and ignore me when she didn't. And I noticed other people were hurt by her too, she would abandon them when someone 'more important' came along. It hurt me a lot to realize someone that I thought was my friend was doing this to me. But I think you said it right when you said that they must be unhappy to live a life like that. I try to think that it's not my problem, it's her problem, if she only sees people as a way to gain something. She's not getting true friendship if she's surrounding herself with people that she can use instead of people she truly likes and feels connected to.
But I notice from writing this that it's still making me sad. I think maybe I also need a thicker second skin :)
Thank you for another great post, for putting in writing what so many people can relate to.
I must confess, when I was younger, I think that I was like the people you talk about with respect to the jobs I held. I moved on and didn't give a look back at all. And I felt great, I was perfectly happy; however, later when life wasn't so easy - the economy tanked and I found myself looking again, I needed those people who I basically left for what I perceived as something better. And then I was the one that was really hurt. And I guess that was the hard lesson that I had to learn. I have a different perspective now; I believe I've acquired a certain maturity, professionalism, some wisdom that would lead me to handle things differently now. Well, my point is - just try to not take these situations personally. These individuals likely see their interactions as business transactions and, like me, some day they will realize their shortsightedness. Also, as we get older, the opportunities to connect with those who share our passions may lessen and then those missed connections are perhaps very much regretted. Holly, you are held in high regard by so many, you are a beacon of light in an often dreary, sad world. Keep making us smile - you're awesome!
I once ended a friendship because I felt it wasn´t doing me good and that I wasn´t happy or could not "be myself" in the company of that friend. When I let the friendship come to an end I know that I hurt my friend a lot. She was really heartbroken, because she really loved me as a friend and was going through a hard time in her life. Which is way I waited over a year until I felt brave enogh to be honset with her.
The friendship somehow wasn`t a mutual thing any longer and I felt as if I was faking feelings and was pretending to be interested. This is 3 years ago and I am still sorry for having hurt the other girl. But I know I made the right desicion.
Another thing I have learned over the years: Jealousy, anger, frustration or feeling bored by friends is something that is normal. Good friends can be like ten-year-old siblings. They sometimes have their issues and bad moments, but these can be solved by talking things out (or by taking a break from one another). And sometimes bad phases in friendships just pass by, and better times come back!
I just want you to know that you are a true treasure. I can totally understand what you are saying and even though my blog is thousands of times smaller than yours, I feel the same sometimes... used! but blogging is indeed a practice of generosity and I'm glad I do it in a way that ultimately brings joy to me and others.
I don't comments or say it enough, so here it is:
You are loved :)
I am in a period of reinvention, and feeling very optimistic. I had an experience today where I felt guided, that I won't write too much about because I want to blog about it. But in looking back, I truly can see how everything in my life happened for a reason. Even illness.
I lost my job last year. That was a gift. I have worked in jobs that I hate for 20 years. I was literally a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I used to cry every night when I got home. Then I cried on the bus on the way home. Then I cried in the bathroom. Then I cried on the way into work. Finally, I was at my desk crying. I could not stop the flood gates. Prozac did not help. Jerk boyfriend thought I was "too sensitive."
Finally, I think the universe forced me out of the situation because I was a coward. I got very ill. So yes, even illness can be a gift.
I am in the process of reinventing myself, and I'd like to invite you to read my post about Letting Go.
http://creativeinfluences.blogspot.com/search?q=letting+go
Thanks Holly, for being such an inspiration. And I want to take your blogging your way class, are you going to be offering it again?
Lastly, I have a question for you that I think is more appropriate for an email. Much love to you. xxoo
Still, cutting that person out of my life opened up a huge void that I eventually filled with the people who truly want and deserve my love and friendship. Now I'm much, much closer with them, and feel stronger and braver because of it.
Am I happy where I stand today? No. But I'm happy with who I am and I'm proud of the people that I love. So I know that I'll get there. :)
Thank you for always being so candid; it's brave and it's beautiful. I don't comment often, but I always feel welcome at your blogs. :)
Sarah
I am glad that you decided to continue to give because that is what makes your work so special. Many thanks!
So, Holly, thanks for the inspiration and making me realize that I'm not the only one out there dealing with a tough time right now that only good will come out of.
(I've been a reader of your blogs for 3 years now...and this was the first time I posted a comment. Thanks!)
I think we all had those life lessons to learn...and my tool to handle this is just to listen to myself. Every time I ignored this inner voice I was hurt or hurt more then I had too be.
Now I am brave enough to trust to this voice and have peace with living this way. But it took me years to learn
There are two things I want to say to you; the first is that I agree whole-heartedly that all of our failed relationships formed the path that we are on today. I am a big believer in "everything happens for a reason", life is what you make it, no regrets, etc!
The second thing is that I have followed both your blogs for years, multiple times a day, although I have rarely commented. You have had a big positive influence on me and in return you have my loyalty & constant referrals to my friends (many of whom also follow you as a result). So you see, I think that there are many like me, and that you have many many many silent friends supporting you and wishing you nothing but the best from all over the world! And we don't want anything from you other than what you are giving us already, your wonderful writing... thank you for that!
love Krista
"different people serve different purposes"
My heart was really in pain last days, but this sentence really helped :) Thanks.
The universe works in mysterious ways.
I had a total bridge burning conversation with my very good friend of over 30 years....Needless to say I was always the one to lend an open ear and heart..only to be betrayed and accused of some very serious personality faults/ defects.I feel like I was directed here to read this,have not been to this web site in a few months.I have a huge knot in my throat because your truth resonates with me,and makes me feel like something good WILL come from this heartbreaking experience.
Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart.
Shay
just stumbled across this post and it's very apt having just "lost" a friend in my life last week, who I had imagined wouldve stuck around for "keeps". It's a tricky situation but suffice to say hearing your experiences about your own friendships was quite a tonic.
It really makes alot of sense to think
of friendships as always serving a reason, helping us onto things we may otherwise not have come to. We tend to think of experiences doing that but not so much people themselves yet of course they do.
I seem to be like you in that if I connect with someone well, I'm very loyal and like my friends to remain in my life. But not everyone feels like that.
You write so beautifully. You know I often overlook your lil' Haus maus when I'm so into Decor8! But I need to come by here more to catch up with your personal writing you share here.
Love kat xx
ps *hugs* and that garden you bought a "season" ticket too is paradise-hope I can get into nature like it soon-gosh I miss it-I miss trees an awful lot, funny but I do.
there will always be givers and takers.
i'm a giver. i try not to sweat the takers. we can only control our own actions, not the actions of others.
there is something to gain from every experience.
i'm pretty happy where i am at this point.......if i could get a handle on the ebb and flow of of business income that would help because it would mean i was doing more of what i love. as for myself, i'm pretty happy where i am as a person. great post.