No man is an island

Hello dear friends of haus maus. I'm so sorry I've not been writing as regularly, I am busy with decor8, my e-courses, traveling for my next book and many other projects that I don't have the kind of time that I would like to devote to this lovely little blog. But I do pop in at least once a month and so today I am popping in to say hello and give you a little update on my life as an expat and some thoughts on why no man is an island...

I recently (well not really recently, last August!) celebrated year two of living in Germany. This week marks 2.5 years now that I think of it! Am I fluent yet in German? No. Am I happy? Yes. Would I do it all over again, namely leave America to live here? Yes. I love my life in Germany, my friends and I actually am having the time of my life. I think I've had more inner peace and joy since I relocated here than I ever had before. I don't know why really, but living here has given me so, so much. I am so proud of myself for risking all and leaving everything (and everyone) behind because it all worked out well. I haven't yet been homesick, some days I miss certain things or places but not enough to move back. I wonder at times why I am not pining away for my homeland. I wonder if something is wrong with me but then I reason that something must be very, very right because if a person can change country and culture and manage this well then perhaps that is the sign of strength, self confidence and inner peace.

It's funny, I have few American friends here. There are several Americans living nearby but I don't seem to "click" with any of them with the exception of Sean, Joe and Emily (Hi guys!). Not because I don't want to or because I am intentionally not trying because I would love to have more friends who speak English fluently but it hasn't happened where I've made really good American friends here. I actually have made very good German friends though. I find Germans hard to get to know but once you know them, they are very loyal, helpful and really care. I also have a very good Danish friend, though she has lived in Germany nearly half of her life so she considers herself a wee bit German in her thinking, too. I never intentionally choose people based on where they are from, I try to be friends with everyone, but it seems Swedes, Turks, Danes and Germans (at least those I've met) seem to be a natural fit for my personality. I also really get along lovely with English girls and Dutch girls. I'm so happy I'm meeting such an international bunch of people here, I feel very connected and confident with my friendships and so, so grateful for what I have. I am extremely honored. My heart feels so full.

So, what have I been up to? I'm writing my second book so this has consumed me. In addition to that, I am teaching a two day workshop in NYC in March with my colleague that is currently all I'm thinking about (and planning!). I have 35,000 words of text to turn in by March 31 and I'll be in Paris soon, then London and the English coast, then New York City for 10 days. I just got back from the Netherlands. It's been a busy year and it's only February 7th but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love being busy with my work although my heart longs to have children now, and a dog maybe, and I want to take them ice skating and play together and cook and I long to write books for my kid's that I can read to them each night before bed. I never thought these feelings would kick in but all of a sudden, since October really, I've wanted to have children. I don't know where it came from but it just hit me after an entire lifetime of never thinking much about it. Sure, I always wanted children though the thought never became more than a mere passing one. Until now.

It's funny how we grow and change, isn't it? Perhaps the "wanting children" thing came because I am finally at peace with myself. This evolved last year after my first book was published, something I had wanted to do since I was a child. It almost seems that after I did it, and it became a success, I finally was free and at peace and felt full emotionally. It was all I had ever wanted for so many years, I guess seeing the dream come true was all I needed to move forward with everything else. We never really know our minds and the complexity of our emotions, do we?

I know that's a lot to reveal on a blog, but it's from my heart and now I wonder how many of you had this sudden moment hit them when they knew they wanted more - an island chain - a family?

(photography: seefromthesky)