{crappy yet happy}

Crappy weather has a way of dragging out this blissful melancholy that I sometimes take pride in because frankly, being happy all of the time can suck the life out of you. Sounds funny to say that, but it can. An eternal state of bliss is not only abnormal, but an impossible routine to follow on a daily basis. Plus, some of the best work was born out of depressive states. Look at Oscar Wilde, Shakespeare and Van Gogh. Feeling a bit trapped beneath a dark cloud isn't so bad.

Morrissey in the hotel where he lived in Rome until recently, he is now in L.A. without a home once again. Charming bastard.

I'm sitting here with some tea, a few candles, the lights are off (except for the glowing monitor before me now) and I hear my lover Morrissey pleading to be understood... all of his self indulgent whining is just the dollop of whipped negativity that I need on my helpless victim cake right now. On days like this, I delight in tuning out the chipper, the bright, the over-the-top chirpy people. I feel annoyed by them. They are white noise to me today. What's up with this constant state of happy we see anyway and all of the 'careful' conversations we must engage in? It's all about political correctness in America. This can be good on one side, so numbing on the other. Most conversations have turned into words tripping down a yellow brick road only those aren't bricks -- they're eggshells. Listen to a group of teenagers talking on the bus or to a table of colleagues at work? There's your proof. Not a lot of meaningful convos happening out there. Sad. More and more people are scared to talk about what we really think for fear of causing another to feel alienated, put down... we dare not ever give one a reality check. We must always say what we imagine the other desires to hear, right? Oh yes, that's how it works. That's the goal in modern conversation. It's also called feeding someone arsenic. The more you lie to them the more you are leading them nicely by the hand into a very deep pit. You're showing them the way to ruin with a smile plastered all over your face. This is such a recurring theme in society today, critiques are wrong, fluff and dishonesty is good. They are both the same - the difference is the critiques sting now and the fluff stings later. When it matters, that is when the sting comes -- you have no time to change it. The critique stings now with ample time to correct what needs to be corrected. Isn't this better? No, says society. It's not. It's unsolicited advice, it's hurtful, it's not showing compassion, blah blah and blah. I want to live in a world where people can dish it and take it. I was talking about this with my agent today, and we both agreed on this. The bite of hearing something you know you need to change can hurt like hell but it can spare you SO MUCH pain in the long term. I'll admit, I'm feeling tired and a bit uninspired to do anything other than bathe in the murky waters of my own monochromatic inner world today. It's not always rainbows and Hello Kitty, even for those who are doing pretty good for themselves which I like to think that well, I am. But it's a real feeling I'm experiencing and I'm working on having the courage to just throw them out here on haus maus as they occur because a funny thing can happen when you reveal yourself... others can be lifted and encouraged -- it's not bad to remind one another that we're real people afterall. Anyone else care to join in and whine a little? It's good for the soul. (images from morrissey web, a website that is no more sadly but had the best photographs of Morrissey ever to be seen.)