{Holly's How To: Beat Jet Lag}

Okay so you've asked... Let me give you a quick how to avoid long haul flight jet lag. To me, long haul is 6-10 hours of flight time. Anything less is considered 'normal' and for that, most of these rules can be applied but do not necessarily need to be. I was told that my way of traveling is similar to how the supermodel and celeb does it, which excites me because we all know how closely I resemble Giselle so of course looking like her I should also behave as she does. Sigh. (big grin). First let me disclose that I'm tall and all 5'10" of me cringes every single time I am squished into a seat on an airline, usually behind some guy who looks and acts like Eddy Murphy in the Nutty Professor fat suit. And of course, I always get the guy who MUST use the recline feature on his chair for the entire flight, including meal time. I never get to use my laptop (a fantasy I have is to write hours worth of blog entries) because Big John must use recline, must press and rock and move every 2 seconds, and must keep his overhead light on during the entire flight. Last year I sat next to a very hot Englishman who traded seats with some drunk guy and the drunk guy proceeded to sit near me and barf all over the seats and floors. So I had to smell vomit for 8 hours. The flight before that, a very large lady we'll call Sally who had a huge crucifix around her neck and a very bad sunburn (oh and she was wearing a house dress circa 1960) sat in front of me. No problem I thought, she looked like the sweetest grandmother alive. And her knee socks and sneakers were kinda cute. But for some reason her recline worked better than anyone else's recline and the top of her head was practically wedged between my breasts. I felt so uncomfortable I had to ask her to adjust her seat a little because clearly it was broken and she downright refused. Obviously her crucifix meant nothing to her -- the words that flew out of her mouth were more underworld than heavenly calling. In the end, I won the battle because Thorsten jumped in and let me say that when Thorsten jumps in people jump OUT immediately. That man has such command in his voice that no one messes with him. So this very large lady swapped seats with some guy a few rows up (making a huge scene in which I sat there red as a beet), and I didn't have to look down gazing at her forehead for the remainder of the flight. By the way, I have no problem with weight or issues around that but I do have a problem with people taking up my space to accommodate their habits or space requirements. Then I get upset. Oh and I did I tell you about the flight with the single mum? Oh lord. This lady was the ultimate flower child in which freedom and letting your child run wild is an everyday norm. They ate only vegan, so refusing all airline meals and whipping out curiously strong dishes contained in tupperware was constant. I never witnessed people eating so much on a plane in my life. My eyes widened as she handed her daughter, who sat right next to me and was maybe 2 years old, half of a ripe peeled avocado in which she proceeded to smear it all over her face, the chair tray, and my sleeve. Um, thanks. Her mother was so spaced out she didn't care at all. I think she may have been chanting under her breathe or involved in some metaphysical something because nothing bothered her. Her son, maybe 6, kept RUNNING up and down the aisles, I mean RUNNING as in racing... And the flight attendants kept reprimanding her and she'd apologize and then he'd do it again and she just smile and lean back in some drugged earth mommy bliss. I'm a vegetarian, well okay partial soon to make a full leap, so I'm not against any of this woman's lifestyle and eating preferences. But again, the whole 'crossing over into my personal space' is what I dislike. So very much. Yeah, I get seated next to all the good ones. No doubt this flight on Thursday will introduce me to a new cast of characters. But after reading about the man who was repeatedly stabbed to death (for no reason, he was sleeping in his chair) by some fellow passenger on a greyhound bus and then decapitated (while everyone ran off of the bus, talk about civil responsibility) -- at least I can feel somewhat safe in the air with all of the security in tact. No one can carry on a butcher's knife. An avocado is fine in comparison, even a few drunks... I can deal with those. Logan airport, especially post Sept 11 really cracked down when it comes to getting through security. Now you are pretty much guaranteed to be felt up at the gate. Going through security is like getting to third base only with a female security guard. So you've waited long enough. Here's how I beat jet lag. - I do not eat meals prepared by the airlines. Not even snacks. - NO alcohol, coffee, or tea (with caffeine). - Drink 1 gallon of water pre-flight within a 24 hour period. - Do not sleep. Not even a quick snooze. No no no! - Drink only water on the flight and bring herbal teas that have no caffeine but are cleansing. - - - Put nothing in the tea, no sugar, honey, nothing. Just hot water. - Bring an energy bar, raw almonds, piece of fruit but that's it. Eat way less than normal. Eat like you would at night - light. My flight is an evening one so I'll have a small salad before boarding with some veggie soup and maybe a slice of watermelon (think foods with a lot of water in them). I also eat asparagus as it's a natural way to rid yourself of water so you don't retain it. -Once I'm on the plane I read, enjoy my tea, listen to my i-pod and zone out the best I can without falling asleep. When I start feeling sleepy, I watch an action movie. :) - Adjust my watch the moment I land and start living by local time. I'll be in Munich around 8:30 a.m. so I'll do as the locals and grab a small breakfast of fruit and yogurt and some water or something light. Then we are either staying in Munich a few days or we are heading right into Hannover. Still unsure. When I land I usually shower as soon as I can and then get ready for the day and make sure I stay active running errands, unpacking, etc. I accept that I've lost a night's sleep. Now that I'm in a new time zone, I need to adjust to local time and going straight to bed will screw me up for days. So I go to bed around 9pm local time and FORCE myself to stay awake. I eat very light and drink tons of water and herbal tea. Before bed I take a long bath in epsom salt to pull out toxins, relax, and then I go to bed. The next morning I awake feeling completely restored, refreshed, and definitely on local time. If I skip any of the above steps, I suffer from migraines, nausea, vomiting, and it usually takes me 2-3 days to adjust to the local time zone. I also arrive bloated with so much water retention my jeans don't fit. Sticking to the above program, I'm absolutely perfect. Hope this helps! xo, Holly