{so long sweet one}

Remember this post about aging and my grandmother? Well she has fallen asleep in death and this week has been especially hard for me. I think I've experienced every single emotion imaginable to mankind. Sorrow, tears, fear, pain, joy, guilt, anxiety, numbness... what a roller coaster ride. I simply cannot believe she's gone after knowing her my entire life - she was at the hospital the day I was born and has been a friend to me ever since. I have very little to say about this except that I am feeling very lonely and my heart feels like it is just sitting heavy in my chest. Oh death, why must you start taking my dear ones now that I've finally grown up enough to start appreciating them?

::go in peace::

My Millie April 29, 1920 - June 1, 2009
"The tide recedes, but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand. The sun goes down but the gentle warmth still lingers on the land. The music stops and yet it echoes in sweet refrains. For every joy that passes something beautiful remains." - unknown. I love you grandma. :* (image: holly becker)

Comments

→lisa said…
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma, Holly. It sounds as though her passing was a gentle one; I hope so.

Last year, my grandfather died -- he was my last surviving grandparent. I grew up right next door to him, so he loomed very large in my life growing up. He was so tough, I really thought he would be around for another decade, but it was not to be.

Your happy memories of your grandmother will surely help you get through this difficult time.

Peace,
Lisa H.
Alexis said…
I'm so sorry for your loss, Holly. My grandmother died last November at age 90 and I miss her every day, and still think of things that I want to send her or funny things I want to tell her. Even though I was prepared for it, I found that I was not prepared at all. I'm still very, very sad.
Pixie said…
Holly, I'm so sorry for your loss. Rejoice in all the great memories that you have. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Rosalina said…
I'm so sorry for your loss.. That is a beautiful quotation you have there.
Natalie said…
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. They are so special aren't they? I lost my grandma last November and I still have to take a deep breath when I think about her. My thoughts are with you.
Jamie said…
I'm so sorry for your loss, losing a beloved grandmother is so difficult. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
FEDERICA said…
This is so sad, I'm so sorry. I know what you're feeling now, I lost my grandma and my dad few years ago...I am really sorry to hear this from you. Now she's an angel that watches over you.

Blessings and love from Italy,
Federica.
mer said…
sending lovely thoughts and prayers your way.

xo

mer
Tabitha said…
I wish I could offer words to you that says it will be okay. I lost my grandma (and best friend) on Christmas morning over two years ago and the hole left in my heart is still there. You learn to live with the hole but it never really goes away. I am so sorry your family lost a dear member.
Meghan said…
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. My deepest sympathies, dear.
helen said…
Dear Holly, I am so sorry to read this.

Love and best wishes to you and your family x
Purpur said…
Oh no, I'm so sorry! {{hugs}} I'm really close to my grandparents, too, and it's heartbreaking when I can't see them and they tell me they don't feel well...
All the best to you, and feel lucky you've met her! :)
Gwrageddannwn said…
I'm really sorry for your loss. But I'm sure she and her sweetness will keep on living in your memory.
1richtungsblog said…
I am a little lost of words ... Wonderful post - I hope you felt a bit better after you have written these words. I am so sorry for your loss. Coming to appreciate so much what she did for you and others I guess that is what the circle of live is about.
xo Anita, Austria
Dear Holly - I want to express my deepest sympathy to you on the passing of your grandmother. My Oma passed away two months ago and there are still lots of moments when I find it unbearable. A friend of mine wrote these few words to me and I would like to pass them on to you -

Was bleibt, ist die Liebe

Regards, Monica
Traveling Mama said…
Oh, I am so sad for your loss. May God be near you during this time.
Hugs from Morocco
Hi there. I only just stumbled across your blog but I wanted to express how sorry I am about your grandma x
moline/yvonne said…
Dear Holly!
I am so sorry to hear this. I can feel for you. it was such a sad time when my grandma died. In your case it is such a coincidence that she said goodbye before you are leaving for Germany - just like she wanted to make it easier to leave this behind. So there is space for a new life. And believe me ; she is watching you from somewhere. I feel mine around me with nearly everything I do: watching me when I am cooking her things after her recipes, I feel her with me when I am rising my children or think of her advice when it comes to marriage. You will soon feel this too if you had a strong relationship. So that is something to look forward to. Feel yourself hugged in these time of pain!
Yvonne
Unknown said…
Beautiful tribute, Holly, your grandma was obviously a very special person. I just recently lost my grandfather... even if a grandparent has lived a full, beautiful life and is ready to go, it is very hard. I try and remind myself to live life to the fullest like he did.

The memories of how wonderful your grandma was will give you such strength in your life, I know it. Part of her lives on in you.

I'll be thinking of you.
I'm so sorry to hear that. my great grandmother past away last 17th and is really strange thinking that i'm never gonna see her again. But at least I'm sure she's in a good place 'cause she was a sweetheart for her entire life. Maybe she is welcoming your grandmother now. =) I hope you fell better soon.
Unknown said…
Holly I'm so sorry you've lost your grandother. Your wonderful memories of her will help you thru your sorrow.
~Cary said…
I am so sorry...I lost my MiMi 9 yrs ago and not a day goes by when I don't think about her.Sending light and love your way.
Unknown said…
My sincere condolences.
Take care,
Marianne.
Jacqueline said…
Holly, I felt like this when my Grandma died. She was like my second mum and nothing can ever replace her. I'm so sorry. I still miss her and think of her often. I felt very lucky to have had her all my life but I wasn't ready to let her go. Take care. Jacqui
Susannah said…
i'm so sorry to hear this, Holly - i am sending so much love and understanding to you right now.. go gently xox
jennifer lorton said…
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I loved my Grandmother very deeply, and her passing was a great loss to me. Often as I go about my life, I wonder "What would Grandma Boss think?" I wonder if I would be exactly the same person if she was still here to guide me? There is nothing like a good grandmother. Thanks for sharing her story. My thoughts are with you and your family during this painful time.
Best wishes.
Anonymous said…
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother, Holly. My Oma died a month ago, way to young. I miss her every day.
Last week when I was on holiday I started to cry while buying postcards, because I had always sent her one, from wherever I was, and this time it was no longer possible.

Her obituary read: Night came, and I went to the stars.
Samantha said…
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. Even though it's a very hard thing to go through, you can feel blessed knowing you had such a wonderful person in your life.
drey said…
i'm sorry to hear your loss holly. but it's a beautiful memory and relationship you had with her. that's always a blessing.
radish said…
so sorry for your loss - my grandmother also passed away 10 days ago - she was 94... it's been rather challenging - and my condolences.. these things are really tough. hang in there.
Melissa A said…
So sorry for your loss dear Holly. My prayer is for your comfort and peace.
dear holly,
i am so sorry about your grandmother's death. i am sending you peace as you begin to navigate the journey that is grief.

my grandmother was one of my closest friends...she died four years ago and it still feels unbelievable some days. my grandfather (her husband) died in march and i am still wrapping my brain around this truth. yet, this i know, each day, i remember how they took my hand and showed me how to live in this life...and each day, i try to give that gift back to the world.

i hope you will be gentle with yourself and let people know when you need support. give yourself that gift.

blessings,
liz
Unknown said…
I am very sorry to hear this, Holly. I'll be thinking of you during this sad time.

xoxo,
Jules
alix said…
Oh Holly I'm so sorry to hear this. I truly understand all the emotions....I swear this is exactly what I'm going througha s well. You want them to be at peace, because the life they are living hospice-bound is simply not their true self....and yet it's utterly soul crushing to imagine not having them as a part of your world. Your words and that lovely quote brought tears to my eyes.

Suddenly life seems so fragile and fleeting.

It sounds like your grandmother had such a wonderful spirit and it's so amazing that you have so many wonderful memories. Rest easy knowing that she is at peace...

much love,
alex
harmonyfrance said…
Holly I'm so sorry. I'm glad that you had such a special relationship with your grandmother. I know that you will treasure that for the rest of your life.
Holly, I am so sorry for your loss.
I hope you find some light and stillness within.
Thinking of you.
x
Lisa
blessings to you and your family
Oh, Holly...I am so sorry to hear about your grandma. I know you must be so sad to lose her and I am thinking of you. A huge hug your way my dear.
xo
Melis
annechovie said…
I know this is very late, but I was touched by what you said about your grandma, Holly. I am so very sorry - I lost my grandma 5 years ago and I still dream about her and her....my prayers and thoughts are with you!

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