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{what color is my mental illness?}

if you read some of the things I write, you may have noticed how thorough i can be. it's good and it's bad. i have a hard time keeping it simple. that's why i laughed when real simple magazine asked me over the winter to join their team. i viewed it as a sign from the universe that i need to become less extensive and take the simple road from time to time. as hard as i try, i can't not be obsessed with being thorough. even when I clean my house, i can't do the dishes without thorough cleaning the entire room. as a result, i have a problem with finding time to get to the things that i love, like diy projects, painting, collage and playing around with my myriads of art supplies. when creativity is not flowing because i'm reaching for the stars too often on everything else, this creates tension in me and affects my overall happiness. can you relate? i wrote what i intended to be a small collection of australian blogs on decor8 yesterday. so much for being brief. it's quite extensive. it's quite a task to not showcase everything and everyone on the planet. and today over at real simple I wrote a post about lighting. i originally had a list of 10 resources and it grew to over 50. i had to stop and repeat the name of the magazine 10 times in my head and then i cut the list to around 25 (ish). that to me was making things simple. my post is still freakishly long compared to the other bloggers posts that share the space with me. how does this weigh in with my german move plans? oh it's a huge issue. i am trying so hard to do everything right, to perfection, that i'm making little progress. this is not good. i am being too thorough. so my goal for this weekend is to start posting here some of the furniture ideas i have in mind, my inspirations, and stop trying to be so perfect and just throw things out there. no need to do extensive round ups and mood boards and get all nuts. do you struggle with this too? what do the pros call this, i'm sure someone would love to get their hands on my brain and diagnose me. ;)
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Anonymous said…
My husband calls me his 'little OCD'. Not to make light of a truly debilitating disease. He translates my need to do everything to the enth degree as obsessive. I feel similar tension within me on one had wanting to do everything and have everything be perfect and then never getting to things that might truly satisfy me. We moved into a new-to-us house (that is stuck in the mid 80's) this past September and I am making very S L O W progress. Some of it is having a full-time job, doing projects on the side, having a blog. My mother says I do too much. I do. But I also take soo long to decide what to do with a room. With my clients I am much more decisive. I have to be. I wish I was more decisive in my own home and less worried that it all has to be perfect the first time around. On the flip side of that I am truly a proponent of having a home evovle over time rather than have it decorated in a matter of weeks or months. I struggle. :) I am just sick of the flowered wallpaper in our kitchen. This is all too in the present for me so I am on a roll. Good luck with the new home. Enjoy the ride and the process!
May 14, 2008 at 3:57 AM
haus maus said…
erinn thanks for sharing your struggle. it's funny you mentioned something i go through, i can make decisions so easily for others (esp. clients) but for me it's sometimes very hard. i think it's because i know ALL that is out there and my clients often do not so for them, the 5 wallpaper options i give them are the only 5 that exist in the universe. to me who has about 2,000 wallpaper samples in my brain, it's so hard to think of only going with 1 for my own home.

i think in my new apartment i want to bring a few rolls of wallpaper with me and then stay in the place for a solid 30 days to get a feel for it because doing much to the space. i want to see how the lighting is, the color of the natural light, the overall vibe of the space. then i think that will help me immensely.
May 14, 2008 at 4:05 AM
Juliette said…
I completely understand this! It's always so much easier when you have to help somebody else, but almost paralyzing when you have to do it for yourself!

In terms of setting up home in Germany, maybe just buy some cheap junk to tide you over until you've have time to live in the space and 'feel' what needs to be there and where. (i know our apt is an overstatement on this, ahem, ikea, but it's better than totally empty for me)
May 14, 2008 at 9:08 AM
Amber Carlston said…
I've been following your decor8 blog as of last week... you mentioned that you had another one, so I checked it out. I'm a designer, and perfection (for me) is always something looming so far in the distance.

One thing that helped me was understanding the eastern vs. western perfection mentality. Western ideal is either your perfect or your not. Eastern philosophy is something a little bit different, we are on the road to perfection it's more linear. If you are working towards perfection then you are as perfect as you can be for that day.

My husband and I just finished a TOTAL remodel, our marriage has survived so everyone says we have been successful :) Just pray that the process is as rewarding as the product
May 14, 2008 at 5:09 PM
Keyse said…
This comment, "If you are working towards perfection then you are as perfect as you can be for that day." really hits home for me. I'm into detail and doing things right but I don't usually stress or get upset if things are not perfect. My best friend however is always feeling depressed and upset when things are not as they should be, according to his unattainable standards. It is really hard to live that way and I always suggest feeling proud of what is being done and realizing that no one is judging or rushing you.
May 14, 2008 at 7:45 PM
JTay said…
I completely relate to you. I read somewhere that often perfectionists can be very messy, because if they can't do the job completely they won't do it at all... that's me! I'm learning to break down the big tasks into little tasks... measuring by the battles, not the wars, I guess.
May 21, 2008 at 8:39 PM
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